Food Advice for Dads

I consider myself lucky to have had children later in life, rather than earlier. My first came when I was in my mid-thirties. Prior to his arrival, I ate everything I wanted and gained a few pounds here and there, but never getting out of reach of a diet. Then, around thirty-five, my metabolism left me. I gained weight and expanded my waistline beyond a muffin top, but not to spare tire size. No diet worked. The Atkins diet was dangerous. I had seen people pass out at work because of it. I wasn’t going there. Starvation was out, I like food—a lot. I felt exhausted at the end of the day, which led to other issues. I was lucky because if they were older when I lost my metabolism, getting back to being healthy would have been extremely difficult.

I had to change my lifestyle, which coincided with the birth of my second child. I researched books on nutrition, but they contained what I had already learned since college. Nothing helped. A good friend of mine sent me a book, In Defense of Food, by Michael Pollan. Then, I read Fast Food Nation, by Eric Schlosser, and changed my weekly visit to McDonald’s, Arby’s, Chix-fil-a, and a whole slew of others. With confidence, I can say that I have not been to Taco Bell since 2005. Before 2005, a six-pack or ten-pack of tacos was a favorite lunch, when I had a metabolism. I also read The Omnivore’s Dilemma, by Pollan. These allowed me to reflect upon my world, the world my children will grow up in and how I can make the right decisions for their future. 

Nutritional information is everywhere. By law, labels deliver percentages of what we are about to eat. Every box has the information we need for proper eating according to the government. There are books on nutrition beyond counting. Trying to figure out which one is best requires a doctorate. Go to Amazon and see for yourself. And, when it comes to children, there are over 5,000 books on children and their nutritional needs. It’s becoming overload.

Four years ago, I also began an exercise regimen. As a stay-at-home dad, this helped to increase my testosterone levels and give me more energy at the end of the day. My healthy future is tied to theirs, and when I am sixty-five, retired and watching grandchildren, I will be running around with their babies, as much as I am today.

I found the best way to feed my kids is to have them see what I eat, a lot of vegetables, some pasta or bread, fish, chicken and red meat once every two weeks. I always have raw and cooked vegetables for meals and snacks. I think it’s impossible to keep them away from processed or fast food. And, I’m still guilty of grabbing a bag of chips or fast food, but we do it on such a rare occasion that if everyone did the same, these corporate food centers would be out of business. The majority of the time we are eating the right foods, five ingredients or less on the label and fresh organic produce.

It worked. These changes take time and patience. The other night, my five-year-old made a salad with her dinner and ate it all. She will eat raw vegetables, like broccoli and cucumbers. Lead through example, and as a parent, we lead even when we are doing the most perfunctory of things, like eating.

Parenthood and Poop

As a stay-at-home Dad, raising two babies from infancy to toddlerdom and beyond, I have encountered many bodily fluids. Terms of my employment, it’s in the contract. I don’t embrace them, I accept them as a natural course of events. Much like when you look at your job description and the very bottom says, “5% other duties as directed by management.” Not something you look forward to and sometimes it’s much more than 5%, but you do what needs to be done for the good of the family, the team and the corporation.

Infant boys are hilarious, especially during a diaper change. Lay them down, ever so gently on their changing table, or on a blanket on the floor, pull off their diaper and almost immediately an arc of pee flies before you have enough time to cover it with a towel. It’s funny. It’s pee.

Infants throw-up a lot. It’s like training you for when they become toddlers and puke their half digested hotdog and mac’n’cheese on you. Oh, and don’t forget the chocolate milk. My heart goes out to any parent with a sick child, because I know they will soon be sick and, if they are really lucky, puked on, too. I’ve had a child walk into my bedroom, at four in the morning it’s difficult to move quickly, crying, upset, and sick, puking on me before I had time to react.

The same training occurs when dealing with poop. As infants, it’s almost cute, like Bill Cosby’s poo poo joke. Counting BMs throughout the day slowly turns to will this child ever have less than 4 BMs in a day. Buying diapers in bulk, I stacked them everywhere and always kept reserves in the car. The worst part of dealing with fecal matter comes with a toddler that itches their backside, finds poop on their hands and uses the wall for a towel. My encounters with poop have allowed me to coin a new term for the English lexicon:

Poopisode: |poōpˌiˌsōd|

Noun

An event with a child defecating, typically occurring at an inopportune time, such as a special event, shopping, or washing the dog.

Usage: During the last professional hockey game I took my wonderful two children, my little girl rushed us to the bathroom at the start of sudden death overtime against the Capitals. And while we, my son and I, waited patiently for her to finish defecating in a proper facility, the entire arena exploded with applause and the siren sounded the sudden end of the game. This was poopisode #248.

I have to admit, some of the poopisodes prior to #248 were more challenging. Potty training brought a bulk of the poopisodes, more than I can count, and in some of the worst places, like the indoor playground of a fast food place, or the mall. But, it’s #248 that I got a picture.

Children Learn from Play

Children develop important skills and learn about their world through play. It sounds like an adage, or plain common sense, but childhood obesity and social problems have become headlines in the media.

When they are toddlers, kids learn from all types of simple games: hitting a ball in the front yard, building forts out of bed sheets, making LEGO structures not dictated by instructions, or playing catch with a beach ball. All their drawings and paintings are ways they express their view of the world around them, and their outlook on life. Preschool games teach cooperation, taking turns, and the give and take in friendships.

The beginning of another school year means the beginning of fall sports, like football, soccer, basketball and golf. And, with increased homework looming over both of my children’s heads, I know signing them up to participate in an extracurricular activity is not going to be easy. Team and individual sports create friendships outside the classroom. According to the University of Florida, sports help children in their studies through communicating, problem solving and plain old getting along with each other.

After years of playing individual and team sports, I understand the importance of working toward a common goal and task, whether individually or with a small group of co-workers. This experience gives me the confidence to approach strangers and be approached by strangers at business networking functions (when I was in a corporate environment), and not feel awkward or out-of-place.

I try to keep my kids away from technology as much as possible, a challenge for almost all parents. And, a child on a playing field is in front of the TV less than one that is not. Participation in an organized sport, or even an impromptu neighborhood game, has physical benefits for children. Keeping our kids active in sports, even though it may stretch us thin at times, is important to their growth and development.

Always Try Old Things

I learned a great lesson this weekend. On our way home from my hockey game, yes my hockey game, and there is hockey in Florida, we stopped at a sub shop. Now, this was at the bidding of my significant other and I was incredulous as to whether the kids would eat or not. In the past, both kids would shun the submarine sandwich when I stepped into a Subway or Jimmy Johns. Until last night, I had thought the kids disliked sandwiches. We had passed up many a sub shop because of their dislike of bread filled with meat and veggies. I was wrong. Both ordered what they like, an Italian and a meatball.

We brought it all home and they both devoured their dinners. I learned, once again, that even though my kids did not like something in the past, they like it today, and I’m sure that will change as well. Their habits, likes and dislikes, changed with time, which made perfect sense in retrospect, because they are changing no matter how much I don’t want them to grow up. No matter how much I want them to remain my little babes.

Of course they change, I knew it, but forgot and allowed my own personal understanding of them get in the way of their growth. A bold way of looking at their development, one I needed to remind myself of when planning outings and going places. Not one to be shy or housebound, I have ventured out many times to explore, finding a fun and educational destination. And, because of this, I probably missed several opportunities for the kids to try old things again. Not because of their personalities, but because of my preconceived notions.

I remembered reading somewhere, and for the life of me I can’t find it on the shelf, about building self-esteem through encouragement and trying new things. The book focused on eating, and presenting your child vegetables and fruits, even if their first response is to reject them. It went on to explain that parents needed to remember to continue to encourage their children, especially when feeding them, because kids taste buds, their likes and dislikes change almost form day-to-day. I learned this weekend what they didn’t want yesterday, might be what they want today, and to not let myself get in the way.

Support for Stay-At-Home Dads

Being an At-Home Dad is very difficult. It takes courage and resilience, and most of all it takes a person inspired by love. There are more Dads at-home with young children than there has ever been, and several reasons why, like job loss and women becoming high wage earners. Many Dads are taking control of their households because the several sectors in which they worked disappeared within a very short time: tool and die makers went away with the car plants, hundreds of newspapers across the nation failed, and new homes and businesses stopped being built when the bubble burst. Another contributing factor to the rise in at-home Dads is women in high-level corporate positions, women with advanced degrees and earning more money than their husbands, and women who want a career and don’t want to be at home everyday. For these reasons, awareness and support needs to be given for all of our At-Home Dads.

At-Home Dads need support to bring them through the “Baby Blues” and compassion fatigue. Yes, men get postpartum depression, too. They experience the hormonal ups and downs like their partner, but in a different way, a way they are supposed to ignore because they are men. I have felt socially isolated, hoping for insight and support with my choice to be a Stay-At-Home Dad, and thankfully it’s out there. There are many At-Home Dad specific groups, where men can talk about kids, problems and football. Athomedad.org is a good site for finding local groups. Another good site, Mr. Dad is also helpful. There are other sites, like Daddyshome.org in a limited amount of cities that coordinate local groups.

And, there are the social stigmas that confront Dads, just because they are a man they will never know as much there is to know about child rearing like a woman. I’m not bitter, just telling it like it is. I have had amazing support from many at-home Moms in my community and a few bad experiences. At the end of the day, I am satisfied with my life, my choice and am willing to get up in the morning and do it all over again, even though it is the hardest job, physically and mentally, that I have ever and will ever have.

Redirecting Behavior

 August 28th, 2012

As a father of two, and intrepid traveler with two children, taking them to the grocery store, clothing shopping and running errands, I utilize a growing form of discipline called Behavioral Redirection. I understand why parents yell at their children when they act up in public. I’ve been at my wits end because my day was one for the record books. Stress happens and our children know how to push the wrong buttons that put us into a tantrum, much like their own. And, when parents react to situations like children, parents reinforce their behavior.

Redirecting your child’s bad behavior will not develop overnight and takes practice. What helped me the most was calming myself down first before I calmed my child down. Take a breath, count to ten, think about where you are and why they are acting out. Assess your situation. All of this happens incredibly quickly and can overwhelm you. The key is to take control of the situation and not allow your child to control it. (An excellent and brief article about a parents need for self-control.) Over time, I am able to react according to the situation because I practiced this behavior, alleviating my anxiety that in turn reduced my child’s anxiety.

Taking advice from the experts, I build strategies to circumvent my child’s inappropriate behavior, a repertoire of personal reactions. These are as simple as rubbing my son’s back, while he tries to interrupt a phone call or conversation with someone. The trick is to not engage him with a reprimand, and yet let him know I am giving him the attention he needs. I know it’s not always that simple, especially when he is across the room and shouting, when I am too far away to physically interact with him, so I raise my finger and continue my discussion on the phone. He gets the message and we have our standard talk after I hang up, how it is rude to interrupt Daddy when he is on the phone. The dreaded temper tantrum in the middle of a store usually means a gentle removal from current surroundings and a discussion of how we are to behave. Yelling back at a child to be quiet sends the message that they can engage you in the same manner. The strategy is to not ignore a child, but to teach them what is proper behavior. I have taken both of my children out of the store, leaving the full cart behind and explaining that their behavior was not appropriate. We go back in the store and resume shopping without all of the drama. The food didn’t go bad and a lesson was taught.

There are books about Redirecting Children’s Behavior, and there are seminars and courses parents can take in their community to learn these skills. Because of these skills, I understand more about my children’s interaction with the world around them, why they respond to certain stimulus and how I can be a better parent.

August 20th, 2012

First day of school. 

First day of Kindergarten for my baby. All of the anxiety and none of the drama, an excellent beginning, not a baby anymore. In Florida, there is a program called Voluntary Pre-Kindergarten (VPK), a state-sponsored preschool program for 4-year-olds to participate. The success of today was rooted in her going to VPK, three hours a day, four days a week, learning how to be inside a classroom, interacting with others her age, and along the way she learned her ABCs, 123s, and a few sight words. She is now more than ready for Kindergarten. Both of my children attended a small Montessori school for VPK. Located in our neighborhood, the teachers and director are some of the most compassionate and experienced people in the business.

Funny thing about my son going into 2^nd grade, in order to maintain what he learned in first grade, he had to do school work over summer. Not like summer school, and very few hours a week, but he had to interrupt his LEGO time with workbooks and reading. The jump in reading and math skills during 2^nd grade is enormous, and it is important he hits the ground running.

My summer is also over. The weather is hot, still, because it’s Florida, but with the kids back in school, we no longer enjoy a morning at the beach, watching cartoons, playing video games, or reading stories. Our mornings are a flurry of activity, scurrying about the house, getting dressed, eating breakfast, and simple hygiene. Only an hour, sometimes less, to get ready and be out the door.

Back to the dreaded car line, waiting in a steady stream of vehicles, following the large white arrows painted on the cement. To challenge the madness, pedestrians, mothers holding hands with their little ones, the bigger ones in tow, walk between the cars from every direction. For twenty minutes, kids arrive in chaos, like fractals produced from a Mandelbrot equation, a strange organization appears when viewed at a distance. At the end of the day, it happens again in reverse.

A first day of school without any glitches, I pronounce it a complete success. Off to the Candy Kitchen to celebrate with milkshakes and licorice.

July 25th, 2012

Road Trip

A successful 3,000 mile road trip with children under the age of 10. Sound like a dream, like I’m lying? It’s the truth. I consider a successful road trip to be one free of auto accidents, bathroom accidents, toddler freak outs, or moments of doubt that would have sent me back home. And, we were able to do it under the estimated time Google predicted without speeding or dangerous driving.

Preparation and consideration of the kids made the trip a success. The Griswalds would have been jealous. The kids had a portable DVD player, no staring out the windows at billboards and trees passing by at 70 MPH. Quality is lost on kids, so, if you don’t have a DVD player already, just buy one that works and has a fully charged battery. They also had coloring books and activity books with stickers. We packed plenty of drinks and snacks, avoiding unnecessary stops.

The key to the trip, the one thing that really made a difference was the time of day we chose to leave. It maybe better to say the time of night. I am wholly convinced that leaving at bedtime, around 7:00 p.m., was genius. And, I have to thank my brother for the idea. “Open 24 hours” gas stations made this type of trip possible. Any trip taking longer than 12 hours should start late at night. Less traffic. We drove through Atlanta at 3:00 a.m. without turning off the cruise control. Very few trucks were on the road, which was great when we had to drive through a thunderstorm. There were lines of tractor-trailers at the rest areas and truck stops and not on the road.

The children slept through the night. No complaints, or the classic Bart Simpson question, “Are we there yet?” We listen to our music and talk stations the entire time. I am endorsing Sirius/XM, too, because without it, Tennessee and Kentucky have very few choices for radio stations. When the kids woke up in the morning, a quick stop at McDonald’s for breakfast and we were on the road, again. They were not interested in running around or exploring. Cartoons, coloring and video games occupied their time until lunch. It was after lunch they started to get antsy, but we were almost to our destination. My theory is that they had more fun in the car than they would have at a park or a playground.

Driving like this is not easy, but it was definitely cheaper than flying a family of four. And, driving straight through to our destination saved the cost of a hotel room and extra meals on the road. Flights to Michigan and back for 4 people came in around $1200, driving was half of that.

Be patient and cautious when taking a long road trip with kids. Often times, they can and will distract you, either through requests or complaints. They are the kids, you are the adult, and it is not a battle, but an adventure.

July 9th, 2012

Fireworks

Celebrating the 4th of July is one of my favorite times in the year for several reasons, the first being fireworks. I know it may seem superficial, but celebrating our independence seems a bit contrived these days. Not to say that we are repressed, but the exact opposite. I enjoy many of the freedoms people throughout the world are dying to have. And, as a nation, we have not been under the thumb of a repressive regime since the English left our shores so many years ago. I've transitioned my celebration of independence to voting in the primaries and on election day every year.

Fireworks bring a sense of awe and wonder. The brilliance of color and sound and smell, all come together in a display of chemical genius. I have a healthy respect for fireworks. I've been burned by the "simple" sparkler several times and had a firecracker explode in my hand. I think sparklers are extremely dangerous and never buy them for the kids. And, the wick on the firecracker that blew up in my hand was one of the quickest ever made. Luckily, my hand was open and extended away from me. I was in the middle of throwing it when it exploded. My fingers were numb for hours. I buy the "boring" fireworks that sit on the ground and shoot sparks or flares and make sound. Typically the wicks are long enough for a slow walk away. And, I keep the show far  away, enough to not hurt the little ones watching. Why would you want to ruin a vacation from one preventable accident? An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Click here to see why I think sparklers are more dangerous than all other fireworks.

This year we were in Saginaw, my hometown, and caught their dazzling 45 minutes of choreographed pyrotechnics. And every year, I attend a local firework celebration, and now I get to enjoy them with my children.Watching their expressions as the night sky fills with explosions of color and shapes brings back memories of being a child and watching the fireworks with family and friends. I continue to be amazed at how many instances in my year I get to feel like a kid again.

June 29th, 2012

Swimming Lessons

Summertime fun is some of the most memorable. Every year I rode my bike to a friend’s house, where the sprinkler in the front yard watered the Slip-n-Slide, and brought hours of escape from the heat. We went to the playgrounds and ball fields, spending our time outside and away from school. Stopping at 7-11 for a Slurpee and a box of Nerds or a pouch of Big League Chew. The public pool opened the week after school let out and was overrun on the hottest days. Unfortunately, I was never a good swimmer when I was young. A few bad experiences at the public pool gave me a fear of water that has been a struggle to overcome. Now that I am a parent of two children, I want them to not fear the water as I had and swimming lessons overcome it.

In Florida, many homes have pools, and having children in swimming lessons as toddlers or earlier becomes extremely important. One of the first lessons a child learns is getting to the side of the pool and crab walking to the steps to get out. Getting acquainted with the water is another lesson for young children. Splashing, playing, and even getting a lung full, coughing it out are ways they learn a healthy respect for water.

Swim lessons are not easy to attend, especially with work asking for longer days and all of the vacations during the summer. Lessons become a commitment from both parent and child. Eventually, the kids drive the commitment because they love swimming and being in the water. But, when they are young and screaming in your arms, panicking because they are not familiar with the water, its up to parents to persevere. I went through this ordeal with my kids and I know a lot of people and their children would kick and scream and cry the minute they touched the water. There were days when I did not want to go, and it was OK to skip a day. But, it was my goal to have them swim and enjoy the water because I never could.

It took years of going to swim lessons at the local public pool for my kids to swim on their own. My youngest has another year before she is a strong enough swimmer to be on her own, but in time she will be a fish because of her love of water. They love to swim and play in a pool or the ocean. Watching my kids swim is a joy for me, and through it all I’ve learned how to swim and enjoy the water.

June 17th, 2012

Happy Father's Day!

Nothing much to say, other than it has been a blessing to have such great children in my life.

Every year, we spend Father's Day on Long Boat Key with our family and friends. And, every year it is spectacular. So, I've no time to blog today.

June 20, 2012

A Sense of Discovery

Living on the Gulf Coast of Florida, as I had mentioned in prior posts, has many advantages. The abundance of water and water activities is amazing. As often as possible, and more so during the summer, I pack up the towels, beach toys, drinks and snacks, chairs, umbrella and sunscreen, taking advantage of another beautiful day on the beach. We swim and build sand forts, being not very good at sculpting sand, and holes at the edge of the surf to sit in and let the larger waves fill on occasion.

The beach is full of small living organisms, too numerous to list and I’ve only a remedial knowledge of them. My seven-year-old has taken to digging in the sand in search of sand fleas. These little creatures the size of a pinky-nail, reside in the surf about an inch or two into the sand and are not harmful (as opposed to the Caribbean type). He captures as many as his attention span can last and puts them in a small bucket to watch them scurry around in search of cover. Then, a few coquinas are added to watch them stick out their tongue, foraging for whatever is in the water. The beachside aquarium is complete.

We live on the intercoastal and fish almost daily. Some days we catch a fish or two, but most days we just enjoy being outside, even when it’s hot. Recently, I’ve been throwing a 10’ cast net to catch live bait, such as pin fish and sardines. Each throw brings something up from the sea. My focus is on the small fish, however, my son loves to examine everything that comes with each throw. He sends the cone jellies back into the water and helps putting the fish caught into our bait bucket. When the net is cleaned up and readied for another throw, he takes the oyster shells and opens them to see what is inside. These are not living oysters, but shells that are stuck together, requiring little strength to pull apart and providing habitat for other estuary creatures. Inside one of these clusters of shells, he has found several brine shrimp. Recently, he found a small octopus, only two inches big, tucked inside one of these clusters.

Having days spent with my children reminds me about the world and how much there is to discover. We, as parents, tend to focus on our jobs, our families and our futures, neglecting that small child in all of us, wanting to discover something new and exciting, neglecting our sense of wondering what’s inside those shells. There are personal health benefits from trying something new and discovering the world around us. I think the biggest benefit is that we open ourselves up to new things, people and places (This article explains it much better). Another benefit is that we have the same sense of wonder of the world around us, just like our children, which means we can relate to their experiences and possibly look for more, new and exciting adventures.

June 8th, 2012

Lessons Learned on a Playground

 

One afternoon at the Eagle Lake playground, my daughter was on the swings, and my son stood on a raised platform and stared at the monkey bars in front of him. Finally tall enough to reach the first rung, he grabbed the bar and quickly grabbed the next, but hesitated to continue to the third and his hands slipped. He fell four feet down to the mulch and, thankfully, missed hitting the platform with the back of his head. He was more shocked from the fall than hurt. He didn’t cry, but I could see he was discouraged. I was never good at crossing the monkey bars, or climbing a rope. And, after years of watching my son play on the playgrounds, I have a solid hypothesis why, but won’t get into genetics here.

Typically, I would let him feel the pain and check him out for bleeding, then, send him on his way, but this was an opportunity for him to get back up to the platform and try again. And, I wanted to let him know falling to the ground was far better than a fall against the steel platform. I put him back on the platform and encouraged him to try again, to not focus on the end and go as far as he could because the fall is fun, too. The pain he felt was gone. He made it to the sixth rung with no help from me and fell, landing on his feet. Two lessons learned: how to fall and to not turn back.

Playgrounds are made to test a child, stretching their physical confidence as they jump, reach and climb around the obstacles in their way. These confined areas are also a great place for a parent to observe their child and take notes on their development, physically and mentally. Toddlers can give a parent a decent workout, chasing them from one side to the other over an hour of running, tumbling, and swinging (click here for recent article). Helping them navigate the obstacles in place, we give them the lesson needed to perform these acts on their own, but we need to remember to walk away or they’ll never learn how to pump their legs to swing, or alternate hands and feet to climb. Then, from the sidelines, a parent can watch their child play and interact with other children, determine if they are a leader, follower or both, and assess what skills are next on the list to introduce or perfect.

There are many types of playgrounds and playground philosophies. I believe in all of them, and simple walks in the woods, where fallen trees, thickets and other boundaries are meant to be tested. Obstacles present opportunities for children to stretch their creativity for problem solving. These are essential in the development of a child, encouraging exploration of their physical world and the world that is growing inside their mind.

May 25th, 2012

Memories and Traditions

In Michigan, where I grew up, Memorial Day marks the unofficial beginning of spring. The ice is gone from the lakes, cabins are opened and cleaned, and it’s also time to plant your garden. Memorial Day brings the annual emergence of the American flag, flapping in front of homes, businesses, along the side of the road and, of course, at the cemetaries. Every year, we visit the plots of my grandparents and great grandparents, leaving flowers and cleaning up any old wreaths or branches from trees. A brief look into our past through a grave stone or marker.

I remember trips to Tiger Stadium, a four hour round trip that I’m sure my parents were pretty exhausted at the end of it. Other years, we went camping, but the weekend was notorious for a drop in temperatures and cold rain. Nothing too exotic, we played in a lake, fished the banks for bluegills, or watched the 6—4 double play combo of Alan Trammel to Lou Whitaker and towering strength of Lance Parish. What we did was just as important as who we were with, because it made the time special, or even extraordinary. The days spent with family and friends are what I remember most.

Florida is different from my Midwestern upbringing because of one obvious thing--the weather. My garden was planted in February and is done already, except for the tomato plants thriving in the shade. Instead of the lakes, we go to the beach with family and friends, enjoying 90-degree heat and cooling of in the gulf waters that average around 83 degrees. There is always something cooking on a grill. We slow down, mostly because of the heat, but it’s cultural and I’m sure I’ll get to understand it years from now. We spend our time with family and friends, and look forward to it every year.

I embrace simple traditions that make lasting memories, the palatable memories to last a lifetime. This is something I can easily pass to my children and their children. As I remember my family, loved ones, and friends that have passed away this weekend, the most vivid and beautiful of those memories will be from the time we spent together.
Michael Premo

May 18th, 2012

Pulled in Different Directions

Brining up two children in the Tampa Bay area is special, because of the many places and events available, all within a 45 minute drive or less. The Florida Aquarium has been a favorite for many years. It has three levels of aquatic life and an outdoor water park, equating to four hours of fun for infants to 8-year-olds. The Lowry Park Zoo is another great place, family friendly, and water fun, as well as rides for all ages. Tarpon Springs, a Greek community, nestled on the bank of the Anclote River, boasts world-wide fame for its sponges and sponge diving. Another four hours can be spent there, as well as a great lunch or dinner. Busch Gardens is very family friendly and a lot of fun, however, it can be very expensive. Same with Disney and Sea World. There are several state parks and many county parks, where adventure and discovery are free. Miles of sugar sand beaches and beach communities with their own style and amenities. Both downtown St. Petersburg and Tampa have excellent art museums. The list goes on, and gets bigger if driving an hour to an hour and a half is possible. The mermaids of Weeki-Wachee Springs are a trip on Mr. Peabody’s “Wayback Machine” and the springs are the perfect place to swim and cool off during the Florida summer. Also, Sarasota has the amazing Ringling Art Museum, Marie Selby Gardens and The Mote Marine Aquarium, as well as miles of beaches.

Taking a single child to any one of these places is much easier than taking two. I am not advocating single child parenting, because I love both my children and wouldn’t want it any other way. The process and procedures involved with taking two children is more difficult and exhausting, for several reasons. The first is simple; different ages means different stages, the older child is potty trained and the younger is not, bottle versus solid food, etc. Many times, I had to prepare the night before or early in the morning to get assemble the necessities for an outing to the Aquarium or Zoo. Preparation is key to a successful day.

The first occasion I felt pulled in opposite directions at the same time was a day with my two toddlers, Sada (18 months) and Nat (3 ½ years). We went to the Lowry Park Zoo. The plan was to be there in the morning, eat lunch and get on the road for their nap. Packing List: diaper bag, collapsible stroller, towels, spare clothes, snacks, juice, wipes, sanitizer and budget. We arrived shortly after rush hour traffic had subsided, unpacked and, typical for Florida, put on our suntan lotion. Sada in the stroller, Nat holding my hand and twenty pounds of stuff on my back, we were excited to see the animals, ride the carousel and play in the fountains.

Once through the gates, Sada no longer wanted to be in the stroller. She kicked and screamed at me to set her free. I complied, because we were in a relatively safe environment. Nat wanted to see the giraffes, which were almost to the very back of the zoo. And Sada, being 18 months, wanted to see what was in the opposite direction. Both took off running. Of course, the 3 year-old was faster and surefooted. With twenty pounds of stuff on my back and empty stroller in front of me, yelling was an option, but I knew it would do no good. So, trying to keep an eye on Nat, I caught Sada, plopped her into the stroller and chased after the boy, who by now thought it was a fun game to run away from daddy. Sada was in the stroller laughing at how fast she was going. I knew if we crashed or she fell out (she was not strapped in), the laughing would be over.

I couldn’t blame them and their excitement. My hometown of Saginaw, Michigan has a children’s zoo and I loved to go there. Only open during the summer, I mostly remember the monkeys and train that circled the park. At the end of it all, we would get a sno-cone and go to Anderson pool to cool off.

The Lowry Park Zoo is arranged into regions, Asia is at the front, North America is in the middle on the left, Australia is in the middle on the right, Africa is in the back. Just beyond the monkeys and almost to the wild turkeys is where we caught up to Nat. He was tired and stopped to listen to a Colobus Monkey screaming its warning call that could be heard throughout the park. He was out of sight for about twenty seconds, but those twenty seconds felt like two minutes. My heart was pounding too fast for my out-of-shape body and my nerves were already shot. It was only 9:15 and already I needed a break.

A lesson in expectations, mine and the children’s, had to be given. I knew I should have done it in the parking lot, but was just as excited as them to get inside and see the animals. I squatted down to their eye level, their worldview, and explained that we needed to stay together, close enough to see my eyes. I also explained about getting lost, especially with all of the other kids running around. Both were able to tell me which animals they wanted to see first and we decided where to go from there. After that, we had our moments of detachment and wandering, but never too far.

I often hear the many different directions my friends and family are pulled at work. And, I remember my days in a corporate office, when I had to be in what felt like a hundred different places over the course of a day. Being with a child, or children, feels like that, whether you have a full day planned or are improvising between housework and playing outside. Either physically, or mentally, we are all pulled in different directions throughout the day. It’s how we handle the stress and frustration of an inconsistent environment that makes us better people and better parents.
Michael Premo

Mother's Day Weekend

May 11^th, 2012

Dad’s Day!

Mother’s Day weekend is here. It’s your day to shine as a Dad and husband. Mom might be at the spa for some much needed time away, or at the beach without chasing kids, or on the golf course for a change. This is your weekend to spend time with your children. It’s your day and you’re probably thinking, “What the hell are we going to do?” The answer is simple—organize your day from breakfast-to-bath. This doesn’t mean every minute must be taken up with some sort of craft, activity, game or adventure. Plan for down time, too, because you’ll need it to recover from the running around you’ll be doing.

I have 3 simple steps for a great weekend day, regardless of the holiday:

1.     Plan your day before it gets here.

2.     Pack for the day.

3.     Play! The day is about Us.

1. Easier than you might think. Take ten or fifteen minutes to chart out a full day. Research on the Internet what parks are open, any festivals or museums. What to do is something that is completely dependent upon how many kids you have, time of year, weather, etc.

Always have a contingency plan. This becomes as important as the plans for the day. A contingency plan can alleviate frustration from anything unexpected, like rain, snow or hurricane. What to do is also dependent upon the age and ability of your children. It’s spring now, so yard work is typical, but with a toddler, I say let the weeds grow. Little perpetual motion machines are not going to like hoeing a garden for long. After five minutes, you’ll lose those beautiful annuals to the blade of a master ninja, or, when we were young, Voltron’s blazing sword.

           

Another great thing about the plan is to find something fun for you. Take them to the driving range. Kids love to hit something. A bucket of balls, two strokes off your game and an hour used up in the day. The point is to find something that you enjoy. Your kids will feed off your happiness. Make that the theme of your day with them, “Happiness!”

           

2. Rooted in #1. Children, whether they are in school or younger, have coordinated days, where their schedule is as regular as an atomic clock. This maybe hyperbole, but I dare you to miss a snack for kids five years or younger, and the change they undertake from cute cuddly princess into a banshee. Bring a cooler with juice and water, snacks, a change of clothes (even for yourself), sporting equipment (because you’re Dad and you like sports), sanitizer, hand wipes, and other necessities. You get the idea. There is no such thing as over-packing, and all of it can stay in the car while everyone is having fun in the aquarium or wherever it is you are. A first aid kit is always a great thing to have as well. Every kid knows a Band Aide makes all boo-boos feel better. It’s magic, don’t ask.

           

3. My parents never had a cell phone and my brothers and I turned out just fine, at least I did. Bring your cell phone, but turn it off, power it down, take out the battery, whatever it takes to make you ignore it. You’ll know if your wife is going to call and when. You’ll know if there is anything important still lingering at the office (it should wait). Known fact: The less attention paid to a stupid application on your phone, the greater the interaction will be with your children (cited from the American Board of Common Sense). No fights between siblings as to which one gets to play Angry Birds. Your day is a perfect way to reconnect with them about their life.

I’m not advocating helicopter parenting, hovering over them and compensating for all of the time you’ve had to spend away from them, while at the office or on business trips. And don’t buy your way back into their lives. Their friends don’t, why should you. If one of your children is having a problem with school, then talk to them and catch them off guard. This is a perfect time to address it without the stigma of dinner table gazes. Making a nonchalant remark while hitting golf balls is a great way you can help in a less confrontational environment.

Forget about work, your upcoming week from hell, and the email inbox that is overflowing with three-alarm fires. Engage in reconnecting with your children. Ask them about their lives, and get to know what they like to eat, drink, play or talk about.

Plan, Pack and Play, three things that almost seem too easy, but will make your day that much more special and memorable.
Michael Premo

About Me

By Michael Premo.
With more than 6 years of experience, I can say with confidence that I have learned enough tips and tricks to help many of my fellow Dads out there—single or married. Much of what I have learned comes from on-the-job training. Kids don’t come with a manual, like your iPad or 3D TV. I have read a short list of books that have helped me understand a child’s behavior and development. These books are what I would consider foundation and framework, allowing a structure to better understand my children. I believe we can glean from all of the latest information out there to benefit our children. While at the University of Iowa, I took several childhood development and behavior management courses required for teachers, all of which have helped me with my children in their school years.

I’m not bracketed into a single child rearing philosophy or controlled by a single way of taking care of children. Modern American society has a colorful and varied collection of insights into a child’s psychology, from the simple “Reward-Punishment” to the complex “Redirecting Behavior.” There is an over-abundance of material on children and parenting, enough for a lifetime of reading. My hope is to help sort through all of the materiel and help you trust your instincts.

Prior to being a stay-at-home parent, I was in the advertising and marketing industry, working as an Account Executive and Project Manager in several small firms and ending at a Fortune 100 company. My experience with infants was next to nothing, the youngest of three boys, and youngest of my cousins. In my early twenties, I held my two-month-old niece once, then went back to college and didn’t get to see her until she was a toddler. I had never held a baby before. I never changed a diaper, never gave one a bottle, never burped an infant. I quit my marketing job at the Fortune 100 company to take care of my eight-month-old son, while my wife went to work. Homemaker, Stay-At-Home Dad, or some are even call it the CDO (Chief Domestic Officer). We attended Gymboree, library reading time and played—a lot. Then, my daughter was born when my son was two-years-old. An infant and toddler can make your head spin. Dishes, laundry, meals, transportation, enrichment and education are only a few of the things I am responsible for. The most difficult and rewarding occupation I’ve ever had. I managed millions of dollars, projects and businesses, none of them compare to the stress and exhaustion I have experienced. Nearly seven years later, my son is finishing 1^st grade and my daughter is going into Kindergarten. And, because this is my resume, I can brag about the fact that I’ve been congratulated, admired and received accolades from my peers (stay-at-home Moms), counselors and pediatricians.

As all stay-at-home Moms know, there are no medals or awards for what we do, no pay raises, and many times there’s no thanks, except for a day in May for them, June for Dads. Sure, you get the occasional smile and hug that brings tears to your eyes, or the occasional pat on the back from a friend. Both are priceless, but in our materialistic society, where money and industry have become our rewards, these moments are becoming more difficult to comprehend or acknowledge. I look forward to the future when my children will reward me with them becoming themselves, happy or heartbroken, successful or struggling, none of it will matter to me because I love them regardless, unconditionally.

This is Dad’s focused. Being a good Dad is not something we are born with, and like everything else in life, we need to work at it, understanding it better will make us successful. If you have questions or concerns, discuss these issues with your spouse or the children’s mother (The Ex). I encourage you to investigate further, exactly what it means to be a father, and when you do, let me know, because I’m still learning a lot.

Disclaimer: I am not an expert. The opinions, my opinions, are my own. Please consult your pediatrician, counselor or therapist first before putting into practice any of my opinions. If you have child related medical, physical or behavioral, questions, please consult your pediatrician. If there’s one thing I know, your pediatrician is an excellent resource, so use them.