May 25th, 2012

Memories and Traditions

In Michigan, where I grew up, Memorial Day marks the unofficial beginning of spring. The ice is gone from the lakes, cabins are opened and cleaned, and it’s also time to plant your garden. Memorial Day brings the annual emergence of the American flag, flapping in front of homes, businesses, along the side of the road and, of course, at the cemetaries. Every year, we visit the plots of my grandparents and great grandparents, leaving flowers and cleaning up any old wreaths or branches from trees. A brief look into our past through a grave stone or marker.

I remember trips to Tiger Stadium, a four hour round trip that I’m sure my parents were pretty exhausted at the end of it. Other years, we went camping, but the weekend was notorious for a drop in temperatures and cold rain. Nothing too exotic, we played in a lake, fished the banks for bluegills, or watched the 6—4 double play combo of Alan Trammel to Lou Whitaker and towering strength of Lance Parish. What we did was just as important as who we were with, because it made the time special, or even extraordinary. The days spent with family and friends are what I remember most.

Florida is different from my Midwestern upbringing because of one obvious thing--the weather. My garden was planted in February and is done already, except for the tomato plants thriving in the shade. Instead of the lakes, we go to the beach with family and friends, enjoying 90-degree heat and cooling of in the gulf waters that average around 83 degrees. There is always something cooking on a grill. We slow down, mostly because of the heat, but it’s cultural and I’m sure I’ll get to understand it years from now. We spend our time with family and friends, and look forward to it every year.

I embrace simple traditions that make lasting memories, the palatable memories to last a lifetime. This is something I can easily pass to my children and their children. As I remember my family, loved ones, and friends that have passed away this weekend, the most vivid and beautiful of those memories will be from the time we spent together.
Michael Premo

May 18th, 2012

Pulled in Different Directions

Brining up two children in the Tampa Bay area is special, because of the many places and events available, all within a 45 minute drive or less. The Florida Aquarium has been a favorite for many years. It has three levels of aquatic life and an outdoor water park, equating to four hours of fun for infants to 8-year-olds. The Lowry Park Zoo is another great place, family friendly, and water fun, as well as rides for all ages. Tarpon Springs, a Greek community, nestled on the bank of the Anclote River, boasts world-wide fame for its sponges and sponge diving. Another four hours can be spent there, as well as a great lunch or dinner. Busch Gardens is very family friendly and a lot of fun, however, it can be very expensive. Same with Disney and Sea World. There are several state parks and many county parks, where adventure and discovery are free. Miles of sugar sand beaches and beach communities with their own style and amenities. Both downtown St. Petersburg and Tampa have excellent art museums. The list goes on, and gets bigger if driving an hour to an hour and a half is possible. The mermaids of Weeki-Wachee Springs are a trip on Mr. Peabody’s “Wayback Machine” and the springs are the perfect place to swim and cool off during the Florida summer. Also, Sarasota has the amazing Ringling Art Museum, Marie Selby Gardens and The Mote Marine Aquarium, as well as miles of beaches.

Taking a single child to any one of these places is much easier than taking two. I am not advocating single child parenting, because I love both my children and wouldn’t want it any other way. The process and procedures involved with taking two children is more difficult and exhausting, for several reasons. The first is simple; different ages means different stages, the older child is potty trained and the younger is not, bottle versus solid food, etc. Many times, I had to prepare the night before or early in the morning to get assemble the necessities for an outing to the Aquarium or Zoo. Preparation is key to a successful day.

The first occasion I felt pulled in opposite directions at the same time was a day with my two toddlers, Sada (18 months) and Nat (3 ½ years). We went to the Lowry Park Zoo. The plan was to be there in the morning, eat lunch and get on the road for their nap. Packing List: diaper bag, collapsible stroller, towels, spare clothes, snacks, juice, wipes, sanitizer and budget. We arrived shortly after rush hour traffic had subsided, unpacked and, typical for Florida, put on our suntan lotion. Sada in the stroller, Nat holding my hand and twenty pounds of stuff on my back, we were excited to see the animals, ride the carousel and play in the fountains.

Once through the gates, Sada no longer wanted to be in the stroller. She kicked and screamed at me to set her free. I complied, because we were in a relatively safe environment. Nat wanted to see the giraffes, which were almost to the very back of the zoo. And Sada, being 18 months, wanted to see what was in the opposite direction. Both took off running. Of course, the 3 year-old was faster and surefooted. With twenty pounds of stuff on my back and empty stroller in front of me, yelling was an option, but I knew it would do no good. So, trying to keep an eye on Nat, I caught Sada, plopped her into the stroller and chased after the boy, who by now thought it was a fun game to run away from daddy. Sada was in the stroller laughing at how fast she was going. I knew if we crashed or she fell out (she was not strapped in), the laughing would be over.

I couldn’t blame them and their excitement. My hometown of Saginaw, Michigan has a children’s zoo and I loved to go there. Only open during the summer, I mostly remember the monkeys and train that circled the park. At the end of it all, we would get a sno-cone and go to Anderson pool to cool off.

The Lowry Park Zoo is arranged into regions, Asia is at the front, North America is in the middle on the left, Australia is in the middle on the right, Africa is in the back. Just beyond the monkeys and almost to the wild turkeys is where we caught up to Nat. He was tired and stopped to listen to a Colobus Monkey screaming its warning call that could be heard throughout the park. He was out of sight for about twenty seconds, but those twenty seconds felt like two minutes. My heart was pounding too fast for my out-of-shape body and my nerves were already shot. It was only 9:15 and already I needed a break.

A lesson in expectations, mine and the children’s, had to be given. I knew I should have done it in the parking lot, but was just as excited as them to get inside and see the animals. I squatted down to their eye level, their worldview, and explained that we needed to stay together, close enough to see my eyes. I also explained about getting lost, especially with all of the other kids running around. Both were able to tell me which animals they wanted to see first and we decided where to go from there. After that, we had our moments of detachment and wandering, but never too far.

I often hear the many different directions my friends and family are pulled at work. And, I remember my days in a corporate office, when I had to be in what felt like a hundred different places over the course of a day. Being with a child, or children, feels like that, whether you have a full day planned or are improvising between housework and playing outside. Either physically, or mentally, we are all pulled in different directions throughout the day. It’s how we handle the stress and frustration of an inconsistent environment that makes us better people and better parents.
Michael Premo

Mother's Day Weekend

May 11^th, 2012

Dad’s Day!

Mother’s Day weekend is here. It’s your day to shine as a Dad and husband. Mom might be at the spa for some much needed time away, or at the beach without chasing kids, or on the golf course for a change. This is your weekend to spend time with your children. It’s your day and you’re probably thinking, “What the hell are we going to do?” The answer is simple—organize your day from breakfast-to-bath. This doesn’t mean every minute must be taken up with some sort of craft, activity, game or adventure. Plan for down time, too, because you’ll need it to recover from the running around you’ll be doing.

I have 3 simple steps for a great weekend day, regardless of the holiday:

1.     Plan your day before it gets here.

2.     Pack for the day.

3.     Play! The day is about Us.

1. Easier than you might think. Take ten or fifteen minutes to chart out a full day. Research on the Internet what parks are open, any festivals or museums. What to do is something that is completely dependent upon how many kids you have, time of year, weather, etc.

Always have a contingency plan. This becomes as important as the plans for the day. A contingency plan can alleviate frustration from anything unexpected, like rain, snow or hurricane. What to do is also dependent upon the age and ability of your children. It’s spring now, so yard work is typical, but with a toddler, I say let the weeds grow. Little perpetual motion machines are not going to like hoeing a garden for long. After five minutes, you’ll lose those beautiful annuals to the blade of a master ninja, or, when we were young, Voltron’s blazing sword.

           

Another great thing about the plan is to find something fun for you. Take them to the driving range. Kids love to hit something. A bucket of balls, two strokes off your game and an hour used up in the day. The point is to find something that you enjoy. Your kids will feed off your happiness. Make that the theme of your day with them, “Happiness!”

           

2. Rooted in #1. Children, whether they are in school or younger, have coordinated days, where their schedule is as regular as an atomic clock. This maybe hyperbole, but I dare you to miss a snack for kids five years or younger, and the change they undertake from cute cuddly princess into a banshee. Bring a cooler with juice and water, snacks, a change of clothes (even for yourself), sporting equipment (because you’re Dad and you like sports), sanitizer, hand wipes, and other necessities. You get the idea. There is no such thing as over-packing, and all of it can stay in the car while everyone is having fun in the aquarium or wherever it is you are. A first aid kit is always a great thing to have as well. Every kid knows a Band Aide makes all boo-boos feel better. It’s magic, don’t ask.

           

3. My parents never had a cell phone and my brothers and I turned out just fine, at least I did. Bring your cell phone, but turn it off, power it down, take out the battery, whatever it takes to make you ignore it. You’ll know if your wife is going to call and when. You’ll know if there is anything important still lingering at the office (it should wait). Known fact: The less attention paid to a stupid application on your phone, the greater the interaction will be with your children (cited from the American Board of Common Sense). No fights between siblings as to which one gets to play Angry Birds. Your day is a perfect way to reconnect with them about their life.

I’m not advocating helicopter parenting, hovering over them and compensating for all of the time you’ve had to spend away from them, while at the office or on business trips. And don’t buy your way back into their lives. Their friends don’t, why should you. If one of your children is having a problem with school, then talk to them and catch them off guard. This is a perfect time to address it without the stigma of dinner table gazes. Making a nonchalant remark while hitting golf balls is a great way you can help in a less confrontational environment.

Forget about work, your upcoming week from hell, and the email inbox that is overflowing with three-alarm fires. Engage in reconnecting with your children. Ask them about their lives, and get to know what they like to eat, drink, play or talk about.

Plan, Pack and Play, three things that almost seem too easy, but will make your day that much more special and memorable.
Michael Premo

About Me

By Michael Premo.
With more than 6 years of experience, I can say with confidence that I have learned enough tips and tricks to help many of my fellow Dads out there—single or married. Much of what I have learned comes from on-the-job training. Kids don’t come with a manual, like your iPad or 3D TV. I have read a short list of books that have helped me understand a child’s behavior and development. These books are what I would consider foundation and framework, allowing a structure to better understand my children. I believe we can glean from all of the latest information out there to benefit our children. While at the University of Iowa, I took several childhood development and behavior management courses required for teachers, all of which have helped me with my children in their school years.

I’m not bracketed into a single child rearing philosophy or controlled by a single way of taking care of children. Modern American society has a colorful and varied collection of insights into a child’s psychology, from the simple “Reward-Punishment” to the complex “Redirecting Behavior.” There is an over-abundance of material on children and parenting, enough for a lifetime of reading. My hope is to help sort through all of the materiel and help you trust your instincts.

Prior to being a stay-at-home parent, I was in the advertising and marketing industry, working as an Account Executive and Project Manager in several small firms and ending at a Fortune 100 company. My experience with infants was next to nothing, the youngest of three boys, and youngest of my cousins. In my early twenties, I held my two-month-old niece once, then went back to college and didn’t get to see her until she was a toddler. I had never held a baby before. I never changed a diaper, never gave one a bottle, never burped an infant. I quit my marketing job at the Fortune 100 company to take care of my eight-month-old son, while my wife went to work. Homemaker, Stay-At-Home Dad, or some are even call it the CDO (Chief Domestic Officer). We attended Gymboree, library reading time and played—a lot. Then, my daughter was born when my son was two-years-old. An infant and toddler can make your head spin. Dishes, laundry, meals, transportation, enrichment and education are only a few of the things I am responsible for. The most difficult and rewarding occupation I’ve ever had. I managed millions of dollars, projects and businesses, none of them compare to the stress and exhaustion I have experienced. Nearly seven years later, my son is finishing 1^st grade and my daughter is going into Kindergarten. And, because this is my resume, I can brag about the fact that I’ve been congratulated, admired and received accolades from my peers (stay-at-home Moms), counselors and pediatricians.

As all stay-at-home Moms know, there are no medals or awards for what we do, no pay raises, and many times there’s no thanks, except for a day in May for them, June for Dads. Sure, you get the occasional smile and hug that brings tears to your eyes, or the occasional pat on the back from a friend. Both are priceless, but in our materialistic society, where money and industry have become our rewards, these moments are becoming more difficult to comprehend or acknowledge. I look forward to the future when my children will reward me with them becoming themselves, happy or heartbroken, successful or struggling, none of it will matter to me because I love them regardless, unconditionally.

This is Dad’s focused. Being a good Dad is not something we are born with, and like everything else in life, we need to work at it, understanding it better will make us successful. If you have questions or concerns, discuss these issues with your spouse or the children’s mother (The Ex). I encourage you to investigate further, exactly what it means to be a father, and when you do, let me know, because I’m still learning a lot.

Disclaimer: I am not an expert. The opinions, my opinions, are my own. Please consult your pediatrician, counselor or therapist first before putting into practice any of my opinions. If you have child related medical, physical or behavioral, questions, please consult your pediatrician. If there’s one thing I know, your pediatrician is an excellent resource, so use them.