Redirecting Behavior

 August 28th, 2012

As a father of two, and intrepid traveler with two children, taking them to the grocery store, clothing shopping and running errands, I utilize a growing form of discipline called Behavioral Redirection. I understand why parents yell at their children when they act up in public. I’ve been at my wits end because my day was one for the record books. Stress happens and our children know how to push the wrong buttons that put us into a tantrum, much like their own. And, when parents react to situations like children, parents reinforce their behavior.

Redirecting your child’s bad behavior will not develop overnight and takes practice. What helped me the most was calming myself down first before I calmed my child down. Take a breath, count to ten, think about where you are and why they are acting out. Assess your situation. All of this happens incredibly quickly and can overwhelm you. The key is to take control of the situation and not allow your child to control it. (An excellent and brief article about a parents need for self-control.) Over time, I am able to react according to the situation because I practiced this behavior, alleviating my anxiety that in turn reduced my child’s anxiety.

Taking advice from the experts, I build strategies to circumvent my child’s inappropriate behavior, a repertoire of personal reactions. These are as simple as rubbing my son’s back, while he tries to interrupt a phone call or conversation with someone. The trick is to not engage him with a reprimand, and yet let him know I am giving him the attention he needs. I know it’s not always that simple, especially when he is across the room and shouting, when I am too far away to physically interact with him, so I raise my finger and continue my discussion on the phone. He gets the message and we have our standard talk after I hang up, how it is rude to interrupt Daddy when he is on the phone. The dreaded temper tantrum in the middle of a store usually means a gentle removal from current surroundings and a discussion of how we are to behave. Yelling back at a child to be quiet sends the message that they can engage you in the same manner. The strategy is to not ignore a child, but to teach them what is proper behavior. I have taken both of my children out of the store, leaving the full cart behind and explaining that their behavior was not appropriate. We go back in the store and resume shopping without all of the drama. The food didn’t go bad and a lesson was taught.

There are books about Redirecting Children’s Behavior, and there are seminars and courses parents can take in their community to learn these skills. Because of these skills, I understand more about my children’s interaction with the world around them, why they respond to certain stimulus and how I can be a better parent.

August 20th, 2012

First day of school. 

First day of Kindergarten for my baby. All of the anxiety and none of the drama, an excellent beginning, not a baby anymore. In Florida, there is a program called Voluntary Pre-Kindergarten (VPK), a state-sponsored preschool program for 4-year-olds to participate. The success of today was rooted in her going to VPK, three hours a day, four days a week, learning how to be inside a classroom, interacting with others her age, and along the way she learned her ABCs, 123s, and a few sight words. She is now more than ready for Kindergarten. Both of my children attended a small Montessori school for VPK. Located in our neighborhood, the teachers and director are some of the most compassionate and experienced people in the business.

Funny thing about my son going into 2^nd grade, in order to maintain what he learned in first grade, he had to do school work over summer. Not like summer school, and very few hours a week, but he had to interrupt his LEGO time with workbooks and reading. The jump in reading and math skills during 2^nd grade is enormous, and it is important he hits the ground running.

My summer is also over. The weather is hot, still, because it’s Florida, but with the kids back in school, we no longer enjoy a morning at the beach, watching cartoons, playing video games, or reading stories. Our mornings are a flurry of activity, scurrying about the house, getting dressed, eating breakfast, and simple hygiene. Only an hour, sometimes less, to get ready and be out the door.

Back to the dreaded car line, waiting in a steady stream of vehicles, following the large white arrows painted on the cement. To challenge the madness, pedestrians, mothers holding hands with their little ones, the bigger ones in tow, walk between the cars from every direction. For twenty minutes, kids arrive in chaos, like fractals produced from a Mandelbrot equation, a strange organization appears when viewed at a distance. At the end of the day, it happens again in reverse.

A first day of school without any glitches, I pronounce it a complete success. Off to the Candy Kitchen to celebrate with milkshakes and licorice.