Redirecting Behavior

 August 28th, 2012

As a father of two, and intrepid traveler with two children, taking them to the grocery store, clothing shopping and running errands, I utilize a growing form of discipline called Behavioral Redirection. I understand why parents yell at their children when they act up in public. I’ve been at my wits end because my day was one for the record books. Stress happens and our children know how to push the wrong buttons that put us into a tantrum, much like their own. And, when parents react to situations like children, parents reinforce their behavior.

Redirecting your child’s bad behavior will not develop overnight and takes practice. What helped me the most was calming myself down first before I calmed my child down. Take a breath, count to ten, think about where you are and why they are acting out. Assess your situation. All of this happens incredibly quickly and can overwhelm you. The key is to take control of the situation and not allow your child to control it. (An excellent and brief article about a parents need for self-control.) Over time, I am able to react according to the situation because I practiced this behavior, alleviating my anxiety that in turn reduced my child’s anxiety.

Taking advice from the experts, I build strategies to circumvent my child’s inappropriate behavior, a repertoire of personal reactions. These are as simple as rubbing my son’s back, while he tries to interrupt a phone call or conversation with someone. The trick is to not engage him with a reprimand, and yet let him know I am giving him the attention he needs. I know it’s not always that simple, especially when he is across the room and shouting, when I am too far away to physically interact with him, so I raise my finger and continue my discussion on the phone. He gets the message and we have our standard talk after I hang up, how it is rude to interrupt Daddy when he is on the phone. The dreaded temper tantrum in the middle of a store usually means a gentle removal from current surroundings and a discussion of how we are to behave. Yelling back at a child to be quiet sends the message that they can engage you in the same manner. The strategy is to not ignore a child, but to teach them what is proper behavior. I have taken both of my children out of the store, leaving the full cart behind and explaining that their behavior was not appropriate. We go back in the store and resume shopping without all of the drama. The food didn’t go bad and a lesson was taught.

There are books about Redirecting Children’s Behavior, and there are seminars and courses parents can take in their community to learn these skills. Because of these skills, I understand more about my children’s interaction with the world around them, why they respond to certain stimulus and how I can be a better parent.