Parenthood and Poop

As a stay-at-home Dad, raising two babies from infancy to toddlerdom and beyond, I have encountered many bodily fluids. Terms of my employment, it’s in the contract. I don’t embrace them, I accept them as a natural course of events. Much like when you look at your job description and the very bottom says, “5% other duties as directed by management.” Not something you look forward to and sometimes it’s much more than 5%, but you do what needs to be done for the good of the family, the team and the corporation.

Infant boys are hilarious, especially during a diaper change. Lay them down, ever so gently on their changing table, or on a blanket on the floor, pull off their diaper and almost immediately an arc of pee flies before you have enough time to cover it with a towel. It’s funny. It’s pee.

Infants throw-up a lot. It’s like training you for when they become toddlers and puke their half digested hotdog and mac’n’cheese on you. Oh, and don’t forget the chocolate milk. My heart goes out to any parent with a sick child, because I know they will soon be sick and, if they are really lucky, puked on, too. I’ve had a child walk into my bedroom, at four in the morning it’s difficult to move quickly, crying, upset, and sick, puking on me before I had time to react.

The same training occurs when dealing with poop. As infants, it’s almost cute, like Bill Cosby’s poo poo joke. Counting BMs throughout the day slowly turns to will this child ever have less than 4 BMs in a day. Buying diapers in bulk, I stacked them everywhere and always kept reserves in the car. The worst part of dealing with fecal matter comes with a toddler that itches their backside, finds poop on their hands and uses the wall for a towel. My encounters with poop have allowed me to coin a new term for the English lexicon:

Poopisode: |poōpˌiˌsōd|

Noun

An event with a child defecating, typically occurring at an inopportune time, such as a special event, shopping, or washing the dog.

Usage: During the last professional hockey game I took my wonderful two children, my little girl rushed us to the bathroom at the start of sudden death overtime against the Capitals. And while we, my son and I, waited patiently for her to finish defecating in a proper facility, the entire arena exploded with applause and the siren sounded the sudden end of the game. This was poopisode #248.

I have to admit, some of the poopisodes prior to #248 were more challenging. Potty training brought a bulk of the poopisodes, more than I can count, and in some of the worst places, like the indoor playground of a fast food place, or the mall. But, it’s #248 that I got a picture.

Children Learn from Play

Children develop important skills and learn about their world through play. It sounds like an adage, or plain common sense, but childhood obesity and social problems have become headlines in the media.

When they are toddlers, kids learn from all types of simple games: hitting a ball in the front yard, building forts out of bed sheets, making LEGO structures not dictated by instructions, or playing catch with a beach ball. All their drawings and paintings are ways they express their view of the world around them, and their outlook on life. Preschool games teach cooperation, taking turns, and the give and take in friendships.

The beginning of another school year means the beginning of fall sports, like football, soccer, basketball and golf. And, with increased homework looming over both of my children’s heads, I know signing them up to participate in an extracurricular activity is not going to be easy. Team and individual sports create friendships outside the classroom. According to the University of Florida, sports help children in their studies through communicating, problem solving and plain old getting along with each other.

After years of playing individual and team sports, I understand the importance of working toward a common goal and task, whether individually or with a small group of co-workers. This experience gives me the confidence to approach strangers and be approached by strangers at business networking functions (when I was in a corporate environment), and not feel awkward or out-of-place.

I try to keep my kids away from technology as much as possible, a challenge for almost all parents. And, a child on a playing field is in front of the TV less than one that is not. Participation in an organized sport, or even an impromptu neighborhood game, has physical benefits for children. Keeping our kids active in sports, even though it may stretch us thin at times, is important to their growth and development.

Always Try Old Things

I learned a great lesson this weekend. On our way home from my hockey game, yes my hockey game, and there is hockey in Florida, we stopped at a sub shop. Now, this was at the bidding of my significant other and I was incredulous as to whether the kids would eat or not. In the past, both kids would shun the submarine sandwich when I stepped into a Subway or Jimmy Johns. Until last night, I had thought the kids disliked sandwiches. We had passed up many a sub shop because of their dislike of bread filled with meat and veggies. I was wrong. Both ordered what they like, an Italian and a meatball.

We brought it all home and they both devoured their dinners. I learned, once again, that even though my kids did not like something in the past, they like it today, and I’m sure that will change as well. Their habits, likes and dislikes, changed with time, which made perfect sense in retrospect, because they are changing no matter how much I don’t want them to grow up. No matter how much I want them to remain my little babes.

Of course they change, I knew it, but forgot and allowed my own personal understanding of them get in the way of their growth. A bold way of looking at their development, one I needed to remind myself of when planning outings and going places. Not one to be shy or housebound, I have ventured out many times to explore, finding a fun and educational destination. And, because of this, I probably missed several opportunities for the kids to try old things again. Not because of their personalities, but because of my preconceived notions.

I remembered reading somewhere, and for the life of me I can’t find it on the shelf, about building self-esteem through encouragement and trying new things. The book focused on eating, and presenting your child vegetables and fruits, even if their first response is to reject them. It went on to explain that parents needed to remember to continue to encourage their children, especially when feeding them, because kids taste buds, their likes and dislikes change almost form day-to-day. I learned this weekend what they didn’t want yesterday, might be what they want today, and to not let myself get in the way.

Support for Stay-At-Home Dads

Being an At-Home Dad is very difficult. It takes courage and resilience, and most of all it takes a person inspired by love. There are more Dads at-home with young children than there has ever been, and several reasons why, like job loss and women becoming high wage earners. Many Dads are taking control of their households because the several sectors in which they worked disappeared within a very short time: tool and die makers went away with the car plants, hundreds of newspapers across the nation failed, and new homes and businesses stopped being built when the bubble burst. Another contributing factor to the rise in at-home Dads is women in high-level corporate positions, women with advanced degrees and earning more money than their husbands, and women who want a career and don’t want to be at home everyday. For these reasons, awareness and support needs to be given for all of our At-Home Dads.

At-Home Dads need support to bring them through the “Baby Blues” and compassion fatigue. Yes, men get postpartum depression, too. They experience the hormonal ups and downs like their partner, but in a different way, a way they are supposed to ignore because they are men. I have felt socially isolated, hoping for insight and support with my choice to be a Stay-At-Home Dad, and thankfully it’s out there. There are many At-Home Dad specific groups, where men can talk about kids, problems and football. Athomedad.org is a good site for finding local groups. Another good site, Mr. Dad is also helpful. There are other sites, like Daddyshome.org in a limited amount of cities that coordinate local groups.

And, there are the social stigmas that confront Dads, just because they are a man they will never know as much there is to know about child rearing like a woman. I’m not bitter, just telling it like it is. I have had amazing support from many at-home Moms in my community and a few bad experiences. At the end of the day, I am satisfied with my life, my choice and am willing to get up in the morning and do it all over again, even though it is the hardest job, physically and mentally, that I have ever and will ever have.